From the Editor’s Desk: 4 content issues you need to work on

Last week, I talked about the job of the developmental editor, and how a writer can and should make a few passes through the manuscript on his own before sending it to beta readers and/or a professional editor. I also discussed point of view. This week, I’ll discuss scenes, the number of characters in your book, dialogue, and how you can (and should) infuse your scenes with character descriptions.

1)    Every Scene Must Have a Purpose. If you write a scene that doesn’t connect what has happened in earlier scenes to something that’s going to happen in future scenes, there’s no need for it. For instance, if your character has a favorite aunt and you have him visit that aunt, but that visit has nothing to do with the story of what’s happened before or after that visit, then it’s just a nice little scene where he has tea with his favorite relative—and there’s no need for it. Take it out. If, however, his aunt turns out to be the reason he robs the bank in the second half of the book, then of course it’s important and should be left in. Don’t have your characters go off and do something fun like spend the day at a wine festival just because you enjoy drinking wine. The reason to go to the festival must be part of the forward-moving plot line. Otherwise, it will have to go.

2)    Every Character Must Have a Purpose. Have you considered the number of characters in your book? Is each one imperative? If your readers have trouble identifying the characters by name, it’s a sign that you may have more characters than you need. Often writers want the protagonist to have several friends or relatives, but not all of these people are imperative to the story line. Sometimes one character can do the job of two or three. If you find that your cast of characters is growing large, you can and should combine some of them. For instance, in a YA story, a girl character may have a group of friends—but you’ll probably want to home in on only one or two.

Each character in the book must be well-rounded to some degree, depending upon their role. Your protagonist is the character readers get to know in the most detail, but secondary characters must be developed as well. Readers will not have access to their thoughts the way they have access to the protagonist’s, but they will get to know the secondary characters pretty well simply because your protagonist knows them well.

Even a character who shows up only for a short time should be memorable in some way and not a stereotype.

3)    Dialogue Must Read Well. It will not appear exactly the way people talk. Fictional dialogue is a lot more streamlined than real conversation. Real people great each other (Hi, how are you?) and small talk is considered polite and necessary, but it’s boring and unnecessary in the fictional world, so get rid of it.

In general, the more succinct the dialogue is, the better. You want conversations in the book to flow effortlessly. Go over all of the dialogues you’ve written and speak them out loud. Remove needless words and phrases. Get to the meat of what’s being said and leave the boring stuff behind.

Unedited conversation:

“Hi, Bennet, what’s up?”

“Oh, Jeannie, I didn’t see you there. Not much going on. I’m pretty bored.”

“Why don’t you come to my party?”

“A party? I don’t know. Who’s going to be there?”

“Well, Jamie and Amy and John and Carrie and—”

“Carrie’s going to be there?”

“She’s my best friend, Bennett, so what do you think?”

“I guess I could make it. I’m kinda busy, but, yeah, count me in.”

Same conversation edited:

She found Bennett staring into the distance. “Hey, Bennett, wanna come to my party?”

He shrugged. “Who’s going?”

“Well, Jaime … and Carrie.”

His eyebrows jumped. “You sure?”

“She’s only my best friend.”

“Yeah, maybe. I’ll try to stop by.”

The second version cuts out the small talk and retains the more interesting parts using less words.

4)    Infuse Your Scenes with Character Descriptions: Most writers describe each character physically when they first appear in the book; however, after giving that first description they neglect to add more. Not only is this a problem because readers will forget what the characters look like but because leaving out physical details that pertain to the people/creatures in the book makes for less visual reading.

Writers often need to fill in where dialogue is concerned. Conversations should not simply be “people talking.” The characters need to do other things while they speak. And they need to have a place (a setting) in which they are speaking. Maybe they’re in the kitchen and one of them is doing the dishes to avoid looking at the other one. Maybe they’re at a ballgame and the crowd is going wild around them while they talk about an important issue. Even if they’re just two people at a table having coffee, they will do things like make facial expressions and stir sugar into their cup. Show us what this looks like. Describe the actions that express their awkwardness or nervousness or happiness.  Give readers the information they need to picture what the characters are doing and how they’re doing it.

Some examples:

• She smiled with nostrils flaring and eyes squinting pure joy.

• His voice went up an octave when he told a really funny anecdote.

• He wore his pants too long, and when he walked it sounded like he was dragging his feet.

 This is the kind of detail that shows what’s happening in a way that incorporates the particularness of the characters. The idea is to provide glimpses of each character in every scene that your write. Doing so will not only remind readers what the characters look like and wear and how they act but also display the unique habits and ticks and physical attributes that make up their individuality.

Make sure your writing includes the glimpses that will bring a more vivid picture to mind.

Before you send your manuscript to a professional editor, spend some time working on the four developmental issues above, and point of view as well. If you do, your manuscript will be that much closer to completion, and the editor will be able to concentrate on other important issues like story structure and character arc.

What development issues do you grapple with? Comment below!

Next week, I will discuss story structure: what it is and how you can put it to use.

Kim Catanzarite has been a freelance writer and editor for almost three decades, and she teaches copyediting for Writer’s Digest University. Her sci-fi thriller, They Will Be Coming for Us, published June 1, 2021.

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